a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
