I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
