I wannas sexs uuuuu
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
