He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
