i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
