that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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