and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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