yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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