you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize