we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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