why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
