finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
