it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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