Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
