i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
