i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
