let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
