Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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