drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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