I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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