In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
