Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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