I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
