I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
