your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
