i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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