I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
