it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
