apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize