Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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