She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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