That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
