that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can I color on your dick again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
