I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
