He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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