Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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