just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
