I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I did not marry a roomba.
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