if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
