If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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