I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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