Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
