I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
