wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
