please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize