Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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