She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
