Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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