ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
