That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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