What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
