Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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