Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
