oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
