He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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