I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
