she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
