Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize