Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
