my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
