brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh god it's open bar.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
