I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
