Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize