Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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