My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
