I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
