Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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