Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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