I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
