You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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