My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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