peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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