Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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