his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
