At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize