Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
