Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
