She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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