My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This baby is an asshole
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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