I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
