I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
