remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
