So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
