and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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