Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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