I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Farmville is her only friend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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