Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize