OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize