her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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