at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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