It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
