Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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