Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize