Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
