You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
