Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
