There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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