hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
