I hate all girls vehemently.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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