ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
