...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
