Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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