lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
