Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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