One girl and one boy is just not enough.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
