I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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