I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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